Personal Violence

- a Colossal issue for many families

by EK Wills

I recently discovered that a good friend of mine is suffering circumstances that you only expect to hear about in the news or in families in less fortunate situations. But she and her husband have respectable jobs, own their own home and have 3 children at good schools.

She has not experienced physical pain but endures psychological abuse indiscriminately and is fearful in her own home.

It began insidiously with her husband working long hours in a stressful job so he self medicated with alcohol. He started to become verbally inappropriate when drinking and this behaviour was tolerated for the sake of the family.

© artwork by Coco

When situations become confronting, often we don’t know how to react and so become paralysed. Maybe attempts are made to appease conflict and smooth over daily events. This can escalate to what most people would consider intolerable occurrences of arguments with the children bearing witness to degrading derogatory comments about their mother and out of control emotions.

Children can then learn this attitude from what they witness and start to participate in the abuse, leading to further emotional isolation for the victim. They may not even want to leave even if their mother decides it is safer for everyone to go.

Domestic violence is considered to include the obvious form of physical aggression but also extends to emotional abuse, controlling of finances and social contact as well as sexual acts. And it can happen to anyone.

Importantly, there are avenues to get help such as calling the police in an immediate situation, or speaking to a trusted person such as a friend, GP or health worker. There are domestic violence services to call and safe places such as refuges for women and children.  Legal and housing services are available for longer term planning as well.

Often women tolerate domestic violence because they feel powerless to do anything about it. They may feel financially trapped or emotionally responsible towards their children. Many lose self-esteem to the point of not being able to gather the strength to break the cycle.

But sometimes it reaches a point of realization for them to force themselves to act.

scene from Colossal (2017), with Anna Hathaway

Colossal

In the film, Colossal (2017), Anne Hathaway’s character is not going in the direction she would like and she is losing control herself.

This contributes to feeling powerless to retaliate against the controlling men in her life and the violence escalates to the point of physical injury. She becomes protective of other people that happen to be affected by the aggressor and so suffers more than she would normally. This is often what happens to women that feel they are protecting their children by staying in an unhealthy relationship.

 When the heroine, aptly named Gloria, realizes that the initial perpetrator hates himself and that is why he acts out so desperately, she is able to find the strength to fight back.

I wish there were a happy ending for all women caught in such a seemingly unresolveable domestic violence trap but many end up in hospital or even dead.

Families are fractured whether women stay or go so we need to encourage mothers/wives/partners to do what is best for themselves, which will ultimately help their families more.

Services that can help:

Police - dial 000

Domestic Violence Line – Ph: 1800 65 64 63

Domestic Violence Advocacy Service – Ph: 1 800 810 784

Women’s Legal Resources Centre – Ph: 1 800 801 501

… and others such as interpreter services, indigenous contact lines and rape crisis centres.

Nelson Mandela.